It's 2.29 AM

I wish someone would just know and understand...
sans all the explanation.

~

A brush of cold wind, then
an enveloping warmth
Hard, gripping
Feelings on a chokehold
One. Two. Three.
Dead space in between.
And, It Lingers.
I'm Here. Then I'm Not.
Misstep and fall.
Thought I heard You call.
It's just the wind.
25 minutes. Time.
It'll pass, but I'll remain
in the same moment.

Everything's just part of the scenery.
You, Me, Them.

And Chapter 1 ends

From Left to Right: Shikin, Grace, Regina, Elizabeth, Me, Canphylia

I stole this picture from Shikin's blog. Yes, copyright infringement I know. =) It's Post -COM 204 and check out our tooth bearing grins. True Euphoria. I'll miss my COM204 gang: Regina, Grace and Canphylia. 204 tutorials (not assignments) were the best. Especially if you're in Jimmy's Class. I hope we're all in the same group for COM 205! =) I'll see you dears on Saturday! =)

Anyway, it's finally over. I survived four days straight of exams. And 2 content heavy exams on the same day. Yes, I can conquer anything.

Went to eat at Billy Bombers with Rena ( Xinyi! Why didn't you come!?). Had a very nice meal and a very hilarious conversation. HURRY UP and finish your exams !!! So many things to do!!!

I want to start planning my holidays already. Yes yes I do. =) Slacker days, here I come!!! =)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS PEOPLE!

La Di Da

Biz Law was so not fun. I did not finish. I probably wrote crap for a significant part of it.
Considering it's 80% of the total grade, I'm expectedly doomed.
It's COM 204 tomorrow. Then it's FREEDOM.
I declare tomorrow as INDEPENDENCE DAY.
I should be studying. Instead I'm addicted to GeoChallenge.
I should have never clicked that button. Curiosity killed the cat.
I'm sick of writing. I've probably written kilometres worth of writing for the past 5 Exams.
I'll add in another kilometre tomorrow. If I get my lead right that is. I'm shit scared I'll screw up my lead. I'll go chiong my theory tomorrow to salvage it. Salvage. I've been using that term a lot lately. I guess most aspects of my life need 'saving'. Academically yes. I'll deal with the rest later.
After tomorrow's paper, all I'll probably want to do is go back home, watch TV and SLEEP and immerse myself in bimbotic magazines. Yes, life will be sweet.

I was reading through my Biz Law Notes on the train today, when the train stopped at Dover.
Then I heard a mother ask, "Where's Moses?"
I turned to look and I saw 4 little boys holding hands and scurrying towards their mom.
I wondered what the rest were named. Maybe, Elijah? Abraham?
Then one boy stepped on my bare toe.
In my mind, I named his Judas.
Grrr.

Adios COM 203!

COM 203 is officially out of my life! (for now, as it'll come back to haunt me when I see my results). Just as I expected, I did not know A LOT. About 20 marks gone down the drain. I'm placing all my hopes on the 2 research essays, research which was done just a few hours before the exam. Procrastination should be one of the 7 deadly sins. Wait, it already is. It's SLOTH.
But whatever. It's over.

Well, there's still Business Law. 80% of my grade is based on tomorrows performance. If I survive tomorrow, I can survive anything.

I watched Gossip Girl while eating prata. Not that you need to know.

Tort! Here I come.

The Morning After

I succumbed to the sleep demon and I should be panicking and pulling out each strand of hair right now but I feel strangely calm and numb. I haven't studied for 203 except reading background information on the Tibet issue and going through the first 3 lecture slides, all of which looked highly foreign to me. I started studying at 10 yesterday and after reading about media21 and stuff like that I felt really really sleepy. So I decided to plop down on the sofa and take a nap from 11 to 12. I told my brother to wake me up! At first I couldn't sleep because my Dad came by and he kept telling me to go to my room and sleep and because they all kept making noise I couldn't concentrate on falling asleep. I figured I should just get up and continue studying since I wasn't super sleepy anymore yet when I tried to read on about Singapore Broadcasting woes I couldn't tahan. Eyes saw abstract, arbitrary symbols (a.k.a alphabets) that did not mean anything because the brain refused to attach any significant meaning into it. So I went back to the sofa and tried to have a "power nap" because that's what my brother kept telling me to do. So I did, but during the process of falling asleep I kept thinking about Tibet and Media 21 and National Cinema. WHY THE HELL IS MY BRAIN SO ACTIVE WHEN FALLING ASLEEP AND NOT WHEN I"M READING THE DAMN NOTES. Like effing hell. It took me a long time to fall asleep. I told my brother to wake me up at 5 AM. Now it's 8 AM and my brother is on the sofa that I abandoned in the middle of the night for my comfortable bed in my room. Let me remind myself that its 8AM and that I NEED TO DESPERATELY CRAM SO MUCH MORE. TWO OH THREE HOW I HATE YOU SO. It's really just too much. That A+ is really just a freaking consolation price for an otherwise highly screwed up subject. I will not panic and my Dad is so nice. He told me he'll get me a Bento Set for lunch. I don't deserve this.

I'll shut up now. I just needed to get my brain started.

The Last Meal

Sitting for COM 203 exam is like sitting on the electric chair for execution.
My crime? Procrastination.
The only consolation? I could have my requested last meal.
In 203's case, an A+ for the reflective essay. (Marked by CG! omg!)
Well, if I'm going to die, I might as well die happy.

OK. Time to salvage whatever's salvage-able.
*Looks at the pile of readings and faints*

Ramblings.

If only I could obliterate 203 from my reality.

Then I wouldn't be panicking now.

I wouldn't be feeling like I know NOTHING at all.

Breathe Valerie Breathe.

* Proceeds to Sing "Unwell" at the top of her voice*

Time, where have you gone?

I painted my nails electric blue.

I don't like the colour but since my stress level is off the charts, it's the last thing to care about.

Why does it feel like Mission Impossible without Tom Cruise?

I've been highly addicted to youtube. US politics is fun.

Especially US politics and the Media. Extra Fun.

Why can't the research project be about US Elections instead of China?

I'm rambling. Rambling. Rambling.

I just went to play piano to calm myself down.

Christian songs calm me down.

Temporarily.

GAH.

My Brain Is Fried.

I will sleep it all away and pretend today never happened.

Until of course reality slaps me hard on my face when I see my results.

But as of now, remembering how I felt and what I did today is counterproductive to my preparation for the rest of the exams.

I worked my hands and brain too much today.

It just figures that the subject I attend tutorials and lectures diligently and put in most time and effort in is the one I feel most insecure about.

Yes. It's like wearing white when you have your thing.

And so it begins.

Prep Talk to Self:

I admit, I'm easily distracted.
I admit, my concentration span is not exactly noteworthy.
I admit, my time management this semester is in dire need of improvement.
I admit, I did not put in the amount of effort I should have put weeks before this.
I admit, that I let my emotions get the better of me resulting in lack of discipline.

And yes, I may regret my past actions and the consequences of it.
But I'll be nice to myself, say it's OK, and move on.
I'm flawed. I have my imperfections. I'm human.

It's not about falling, because we'll always fall, it's about getting back up again.

And I'm trying to pick myself up again.

It was an overwhelming first semester. Give yourself a break.



I feel super unprepared for econs. I've grasped the concepts and theory (but it's not exactly bound by super glue). But I haven't had enough practice. I haven't gone through the tutorial questions again (as in redo). Sigh.

I hope I'll be the logical and rational person economists assume people to be.
And I'm hoping my memory continues to work after Sociology Paper.
My brain is filled with graphs and theories of "the Self".

Expect the worst (to be prepared emotionally)
Hope for the best (I want to be pleasantly surprised)

On the bright side, I'm decently confident for Sociology.
At least I don't see D-O-O-M-E-D spelt all over it.

Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. If I'm to survive tomorrow, I better sleep.