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My life lacks punctuation.
Now where did that bloody comma go?

Why is this frustration never ending?
When will I fill this void?
What am I looking for exactly?
How do I go about finding the elusive it?
Where do I go from here?
Which direction is right?

5W1H.

I realized something today.
I think the reason I feel lost in the whirlwind of changes is because I'm away from the only thing that has been constant in my entire life: my family.
From one country,city,house and school to another, they're the only ones remained the same.
And that familiarity was comforting because it provided stability.
The houses we lived in changed yet it always became home because my family was there.
The people, the environment changed yet the atmosphere at home remained the same.
The food, the lifestyle I was exposed to was different yet at home, we maintained the same familiar lifestyle we've had since I was young.
Friends, came and went, some stayed but my family was always there.

I always thought I wanted to get away from them because I found it rather suffocating to be with them all the time.
But now that I got that chance, I finally see the things that I've always taken for granted.
I'm not even that far away from them. It's not like I live in another country (although it is debatable that the ulu-ness of pulau NTU is comparable to living 'abroad').
Yet I'm feeling homesick.
The specific geographical location of it is not important because to be perfectly honest, I don't know WHERE home is. I just know home is where my family is.

I finally realize how dependent I am on them.
I don't mean that I need my mother to do my clothes and laundry (although my laziness always hinders me from doing my laundry in hall =P), or cook food, or keep my room clean.
That's the easy part. Heck I cook, do laundry and iron clothes for the whole family so I know I'm capable.
It's more of being dependent on them for emotional support and stability.

This aspect of independence is harder than I thought.

I wish I had my faith to fall back on.
But even that seems too rocky to rely on.

I need to get myself together.
Seriously.