:)

a smile out of place

delicate, breakable lace

shrounds the truth, always

It's The Holidays Yet I'm Writing About School Related Stuff.

My internet connection speed is impossibly slow right now. Unknown powerful forces are conspiring to aggravate my headache. Today's hike around Singapore to deliver the WKWSCI FOC packages left me darker, exhausted and more convinced that global warming is an urgent and serious issue that should be tattooed into people's awareness so that something can be done about it. But that's another serious discussion for another day because as of now, I am rendered incapable of producing even a B grade GP essay.

June and I had an 8 hour adventure of  14 bus rides, interspersed with hours of walking towards both the right and wrong directions, while holding on dearly to our street directory and trusty transit link bus guide to locate the 12 houses, then knocking on strangers' doors, meeting and (not) meeting the targeted recipients and also, desperately fighting the temptation to simply mail all these packages and make our lives so much easier. Unlike some lucky people, we didn't have the luxury of a car (aircon!)  nor the funds to hire a cab (aircon!) for a day, so we had to plan our routes (bus transfers) the night before and what a headache it was. I thought South/South West was not that big (when plotted on the map) but somehow the ridiculously hot weather made the area seem so so big. Despite the planning, we still got lost , especially around Pasir Panjang area. It didn't help that my leg muscles were aching because of  the other day's sudden attempt at sprinting (See previous whiny post).

But we survived and completed our task so it was an accomplishment. 

So if you're one of those we (Junqi and Val) delivered the packages to, you better go for FOC or else. =) 

I'm most probably not gonna be able to make it for the camp because I'll be in Philippines. So sometimes I do ask myself, why in the world am I doing this anyway?! I'm not the biggest fan of camps and stories of other camps horrify me.  I hate camps in general but CS camp was different and I actually had a good time (And no, it wasn't just because of "the hot guy". Haha.). I remember feeling impressed and appreciative of the effort our seniors put in to make the experience more personal, sincere and inclusive. We may not all be the best of friends (far from it) but it really helps to see a lot of familiar faces in school everyday. I remember I was quite shocked when I saw Jin  appear at my doorstep with the package and a big smile around the same time last year. At that time I thought it was all very gimmicky, and I still do, but I guess it worked. 

Anyway, I'm finally very sleepy now, and my headache has ameliorated (SAT word!) without the help of panadol/aspirin thank you very much. I remember we studied how panadol works on receptors or whatever they are but the process eludes me at the moment. In fact, I remember almost nothing from JC Biology and stress-loving me is hoping to take BS101 next semester, a module with an 8.30 lecture on a Monday morning. I'm hoping to do another science as well so that I can clear my GERPE for Science. I wish I knew for certain now if I can go for the exchange program in Year 2 Semester 2 because I was thinking that maybe I can do a Science module there and not worry about it since it's simply a Pass/Fail thing. As for now, I plan to continue torturing myself for next semester. I have a horrible timetable planned (i.e. no day off!) and I might end up with 23 crazy AU's again. It's strange because despite that, I improved by a lot in Sem 2 despite the heavier workload. Maybe if I increase my workload next Sem then I'll improve again. HA! What lopsided, naive thinking I have. 

I will tackle STARS again tomorrow and finalize my timetable planning. I will REstart (i.e. stop bumming around <-- a skill and a love) on my Things-to-do so that I can experience that satisfying feeling of ticking them off. 

I'm extremely verbose these days and I still have a lot of things to write. (*that's for not writing regularly. thoughts, too many of em, accumulate!*)

I know I'm capable of a paradigm shift. But like motivation/inspiration, how long would it last?

Trivial Nonsense Not Worth Reading.

I'm one day shy of a full month hiatus from blogging. Not that I declared any hiatus. God, I feel so inarticulate. I'll just babble incessantly and rant incoherently through this medium, an act so strangely foreign for some reason. Anyway, I actually managed to get my lazy fat ass downstairs for a jog. Let's just pretend that I jogged for more than half an hour non-stop, completed many rounds, and overall, had a satisfying workout. =) Oh who am I kidding. I hate jogging. I'd rather cycle Ubin twice, roller blade ECP three times, swim 50 laps than jog. So I did sprints and walks. More of the latter. But whatever. I'm in serious need of an exorcism. Be gone sloth demon! Even my brother can attest to how lazy I am. Last night, while I was in the middle of watching How I Met Your Mother, my brother came into my room and said, "Hey! Let's go for a run!". I ignored him. "Stop being so lazy! Let's go for a run! 4 km. Let's just follow the park connectors.". The thing is, I was already settled on my bed in such a comfortable position, I could not bare to move much because that would mean a lot of fidgeting and adjusting later. "Come on! Let's go!" I turned to him and glared, "You asking me to move?" He gave me that i-can't-believe-i-have-the-sloth-queen-as-my-sister. I was not the least bit ashamed. Then he something, something so purely evil. "You're growing fat.". And that was it. I put on my running shoes. Dashed downstairs. Outran my brother twice then faced him with a smug expression. Ha. The events I've transcribed may have happened to another me in an alternate universe but what really happened last night was I simply said "You too" and went back to finishing my show. =) Guilt and invisible peer pressure then accumulated in my sleep which induced me to wake up early and exercise a bit. Sigh. But it is true. I need to lose this subcutaneous fat. But I hate running, and running is the only thing that is free, convenient and can be done on your own. Everything else require traveling, payment or company. Shucks. I'm the most undisciplined dieter in history because of the fact that I'm ruled by random cravings. I love food too much to develop any eating disorder. And I don't have enough motivation to be determined lose weight. I'm not exactly obese. No medical reasons. Self motivation is bullshit because I'm too lenient with myself. I don't have any guy to impress. And I'm now so good at nonchalantly shrugging "whatever" to any you-gained-weight comments. GAH. Know what? Screw it. Only vanity can save me and save me it will. I think. 

 

I think I just wasted your few precious minutes if you actually read this. 

wala

Sometimes, I surprise myself with raw emotions that surface unexpectedly.

Ang labo mo. seryoso.
Sino ang niloloko mo?
Alam mo naman na hinding hindi mo aaminin, kaya bakit ka pa nag papaapekto?
Ang labo mo talaga.



Walls built not to keep them out, but to keep them in.


it's a constant struggle between genuine self loathing to serene self acceptance.

=) =)

KRIS ALLEN IS IN THE FINAL TWO!

*squeals in fangirl moment*

Irritating Gokey is GONE! =)

Heartless.

I will cry if Kris Allen does not make it to the finals.

This is pure genius.

Irrational Bitch...

mode is on.

I quarantined myself at home so that I didn't have to restrain myself from being bitchy to people.

With the exception of my brother of course, but he's used to me being like this.




My course is all about Communication - studying how to be a good communicator.
Yet at times, I feel that it's a complete joke because I can't seem to apply it in real life.
My thoughts are disorganized and circumlocutory.
I can never seem to say what I really want to say.
Ha.
What a joke.

I...

need to do something about these relentless guilt trips.



Will start working on the pending things-to-do...

tomorrow.


I tend to overanalyze things. I just pray that the day you confirm my doubts never come.

idk.

I'm forever wrestling with feelings - feelings that are there but shouldn't be there.
They all just amount to frustration when I attempt to sort them out, to put them to words, or to dismiss them.
All I'm left with in the end are just vague little snippets of the raw truth: edited, deleted, refined.
Then those 3 ugly words remain to (un)explain it all: I. don't. know.
I hate being cryptic, to people, to myself.
That, or I'm just truly scared of answering the difficult questions.
I wish I could simply say things without any repercussions. But I know that can never be the case.




i.don.'t.know.what's.real.anymore.

Another Sunday Entry.

I'm having another one of 'em classic cases of wrong timing. It's either important events occur during inconvenient timings or two or more important events occur at the same time. Either way, I'd wish I could split myself in two.

4th May happens to be Important Errands Day. I have to go to the bank/s to settle some stuff for my parents, pay the bills and settle some immigration matters. Geez, I hate thinking about all these: it makes me feel so adult-ish. Seeing real adult bills and cheques with more than 2 zeroes make me scared of being an adult. I don't know why. The procrastinator in me just keeps screaming " Later, later, you can do it later" but my parents specifically set dates (even timings-which I stupidly missed but hope won't cause any trouble) so it must be serious. And I don't do Serious and Responsible well.

Moving on, my PR application has been approved. Yay! At least I can help my parents save some money. Although that means more administrative things to settle. Sigh. So after I run around doing this, I can relax (hopefully not be late) and celebrate my friend's birthday.

However 4th May also happens to be the first day of Senior's Camp, which I'm supposed to go to but I unfortunately can't because I'll be playing my own Amazing Errands Race tomorrow. I'M SO SORRY JUNE/EVADNE!!! =S I'll try to go on Tuesday to Sentosa instead. Beach time! I feel like such a lousy sub-commer. I sometimes wonder why I even signed up for it. My friends know I'm not exactly a camp person but somehow, wkwsci foc was a tad bit different -in a good way - so I entertained the idea of getting involved. In retrospect, I'm grateful they didn't choose me as one of the publicity heads when I tried out together with Evadne. This equated to less commitments during the holidays. Although there is a lot of publicity work to be done for Paparazzi, FOC to me, seems more immediate, 'bigger', and further from my comfort zone.

I've been going out almost every single day of this week! Watched the movie "Taken" today. Loved it. Loved the action scenes to the point where I forgot to breathe. Go watch it! Anyway, we got lost in Chinatown while looking for the service apartment he wanted to check out. Getting lost seems to be a common, almost natural occurrence, as long as I'm involved. Sigh.

As for Saturday, after depositing some cheque, I proceeded to Starbucks, ordered hot chocolate and Belgian waffles, settled on a nice comfy sofa chair and started reading Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility. That was the life and I thought I could get used to it. I was later joined by Rena, who proceeded to draw and express her artistic flair. I love how the comics sketches are developing! Freaking hilarious. Checked out the restaurants and pubs but didn't bother entering because they're either overpriced or full of football fans engrossed in a Newcastle vs. Liverpool match. Not my cup of tea. Now if they were watching NBA finals, then that would be a different story.

I hung out with my roommate on Friday. Watched this ridiculous Japanese movie called Gu Gu the Cat (What was I thinking?!) Some parts were disturbingly cute but the story line was just so frustratingly random, draggy and gah! (for lack of better word). I've always liked the simplicity and the use of unusual dialogue in Japanese movies, but this movie simply had too many storylines and underdeveloped characters to do justice to what might otherwise would have been a sweet story. I think that if the story had more focus, as in the case of Ten Promises to My Dog, then maybe it would have made more impact. Don't even get me started on the ending. -_-
Ate yummy ramen at Ajisen then conquered a seemingly unending staircase to reach Old School. Their Cosmopolitan and Lychee Martini were quite good!

Thursday was spent "studying" with Rena and Jiaying. As always, we accomplished a lot more talking than studying. =) Why can't we all be doing the same course in the same university?! Haha. Oh, and it was on that day that I befriended a cat - a black cat - at the playground. I remember sitting at the top of the slide, ready for some reflection time when I noticed the cat just half a metre away. I said Hi. It meowed, walked over to me, settled itself comfortably on my lap, and then slept. -_- Obnoxious but I welcomed the company. And now I visit her every night for some Quiet time.

Wednesday was outing with the Pinoys before the guys went back to Philippines for the holidays. We watched Wolverine which I found pretty awesome. I had nice soft shell crab sushi at Shokudo - it's becoming a crazed obsession. Stop me!!! Sigh. I'll miss a lot of them (graduating and leaving ones) , but such is life, Hi and Goodbye. Haha.

Tuesday, I hung out with Rohan and let him win in pool and arcade basketball shootout. I refuse to believe I lost. Hmm, for the former, I admit I suck, so yeah, win all you want but basketball?! I can't believe I lost. I vented it out on Tekken, which I've never really played before but found out I'm pretty good at. My violent psycho bitch persona expressed itself quite well through the character I chose. HA HA.

As you can see, it's been nonstop spending from Tuesday till Today and I'm feeling oh-so-broke and oh-so-fat from all the eating outside. GAH.

Ok. I need plans to start being in control. I don't want to see my holidays disappear without knowing how it disappeared. haha.

I've got so many plans I don't know where to start.

I'm so looking forward to going to Bohol for a taste of White Sand Beach paradise and scuba diving.

Plan must plan.