Take me to a deeper conversation.

I cannot stop listening to this song.

not.good.

i.have.no.calculator.

someone.slap.me.




although i'm fairly confident at the 5% significance level that they wouldn't ask any calculation (more like interpretation of results)... the thought of "what if" is making me paranoid.

i feel rather unprepared for two-oh-eight already. i don't need this extra worry.

strangely, i'm writing this with a calmness i don't know where i got from.

it's 3 am. back to stats.

In the wee hours of the morning...

I was enlightened.

It finally sunk into my dense brain that my first exam is in 29 hours.
Exam, as in the biggest percentage of my grade that could pretty much put all the hard work during the semester to waste if things go badly.
A fresh wave of panic just hit me.
All this while I've been revising/cramming with an intense numbness (what an oxymoron) or fake calmness or pseudo-confidence.




The first few chapters of COM208 sound so foreign.

I feel kinda screwed.

Randomness

On Solitude

Sanity hovers around the cloud of silence.
My room, my refuge, a cloudy day
The conscience speaks,
Awareness sets in.
A frightening epiphany
that Life Simply Is.
My hands come to focus.
Mine. Each movement,a decision
They're mine.
A troubling question of what that means
My heart drums.
I'm scared and purposefully
indulge a distraction

Isa Pa! Isa pa! Isa pang Chicken Joy.

My thoughts have to stop revolving on food.
I'm gaining mass in the most unflattering way.




Now, do I get Subway or McDonalds?


P.S. COM202 is a joke. It just proves (in my case) that effort is inversely proportional to results in a lot of cases. Either that, or I'm really lucky.

I should stop being so complacent.

Please don't stop the music.

I miss my iPod badly.
I miss the random play of music, as I walk through the streets of Routine.
=(


I want to go to Beerfest Asia 2009. Not particularly for the beer, but because Vertical Horizon is performing.
I want holidays now.

I hate this inarticulateness

I'm insanely jealous of people who can translate their thoughts into calm, clear and flowing prose that is pleasant to read.

Mine's just a muddy, meandering river with gushing turbulent waters. I'm unclear, I circumnavigate around my point and controlled by bouts of randomness and restlessness.

Oh peace and clarity of thoughts, when will you ever dawn on me?

Because every time I try, it just ends up looking like a vile case of Trying Too Hard.

b.a.c.k. and quite screwed.

I'm back in Singapore and reality gave me such a tight slap on the face.
Failed to complete any studying - made some valiant attempts though.
So now, I have 3 days to salvage anything that is within my brain capacity - and willpower- to salvage. 3 freaking days. Make that 2 and a half.
208 and 223 on the same day. 202 the next day.
I will need some serious Red Bull help.

Penang was great: it still felt like home despite the changes.
My memory felt violated when I saw the new condo/mall being built ON the same grounds my school - International School of Penang (Uplands) - once stood on. It was quite depressing.
Our old apartment still stood there, and Nat! I saw your place and remembered all our Mee Goreng and overnight sessions and Regency where we had pool parties!
Bring me back to those carefree days please! =)
I parasailed, jetskiied, rode on a horse and pigged out to the max today.
I LOVE JETSKIING!!!
The adrenaline rush when you go on full speed and swerve left and right is like a drug - so addictive.

Ugh. I shouldn't be saying all this when I had all this fun at the expense of my revision.
I never thought I'd say this, but thank God for continuous assessments. At least they lighten the examination burden even by a bit.

It's easter tomorrow but I will go back to the island and mug my life away.
Last minute studying is what I've been doing all my student life- how different can this time be right?


I is bloody fat now it's ridiculous. I've stretched my stomach beyond it's usual capacity.
I swear that Char Kway Teow will be the death of me through clogging arteries.





Because deep down I know, I'll never mean as much.
Maybe that is why, I don't allow myself to fully trust.
So let's just maintain status quo.

Another one of those blogging breaks

This is my way of purposefully distracting myself. My roommate is playing BOF soundtrack. For weeks I dutifully woke up early on Tuesday and Wednesdays morning to watch the latest episode. I'm an incurable addict once I'm sucked in to the evil world of K-drama. The only good that came out of it was that (a) I was awake early in the morning and actually manage to get some studying done (b) Tuesdays and Wednesdays became so much more bearable with something to look forward to. I miss GJP! I remember watching the final episode with my roommate at 7 a.m. We went down to buy breakfast first then we were glued to our screens. Addict much?

Celebrated my brother's birthday last night. Had yummy Korean food and later Green Tea Ice Cream. I felt so bloated - and I do look bloated these days- but I was just happy to have spent time with my whole family. We're going to Penang tomorrow for 3 days! It's a premature vacation which may have consequences on my grades, but I don't really give a damn because it's rare that we're all together (except December, which doesn't count because we're all busy entertaining other people). I will come back twice my size (horizontally) with all the food I'm already planning to devour. I miss Penang. Life there was stress free. The only problems I had concerned petty friend fights (so childish, I know) and whether ...uhh...see I can't even remember. Despite all the mugging that I'm still planning to do their - mugging by the beach anyone?- I will still cut myself some slack and enjoy the trip!

BUT, there's still 2 big hurdles to conquer. Vile 208 quiz- which involves studying stats at 4am- and 202 project-which involves staying back later to finish the damned thing. I need to do well for this quiz after the shitty grade from the last quiz (which only appeared shitty in relation to monstrous scores). As for 202, it's still a mystery. I have no idea what I've learnt. I have no idea how I've been doing (Dear CK has not released any grades for the Quiz.). I have no idea how the exam will be like. He better say something useful later or I will throw a paperclip at him. Cower in fear. -_-

All the effort I put in for COM223 paid off. I thought he wouldn't like the individual assignment because it was so colourful but I guess, the layout per se was good enough for him. Despite all the last minute stress my partner (Shuxian) and I went through for AS4, in retrospect it was all worth it. We had our conflict over design aspects and concepts but we never fought over anything - although I admit there was one point where I got rather pissed but I just didn't show it. Then again, it probably doesn't matter because I easily get over my irritation over such petty things. It's over though! Next step, ace that damned exam. It'll be really good revision for GV11. :0

OASIS concert was quite an experience. I have a love-hate relationship with it. Love because the performance was truly awesome. Hate because the mosh pit experience was quite a fight for survival - which didn't allow me to fully appreciate the music. I've never felt so violated in my whole life - not that any of it was intentional. All the pushing, the swaying, the jumping with the sweaty masses was a mass orgy. To survive you just had to join in. It was nuts.Being small was an obvious disadvantage. At least there were some kind strangers around to helped in keeping me stable. Haha. And there was one incident which I still find strangely disturbing. The stupid crowd was 'swaying' backwards, and I nearly lost my balance, when a random guy behind me put his arms around my shoulder and said in a rather protective way "Don't worry, I'll keep you in my arms". That would have been romantic if it had been my boyfriend saying that but this? -_-

OKAY back to stupid 208. I've distracted myself for too long already.
So long in fact I feel like sleeping already. LOL

The future's not ours to see, que cera cera

I wonder what it's like, to drop everything - every routine, comfort, worry, goal, ambition, fear, responsibility, expectation, inhibition - entirely, and just live for each day without the future in mind.

I wonder what it's like, to be aware and present in each moment, without having a constant projection of ourselves into the future - be it images of success or failure.

I wonder what it's like, a life without expectations, implicit or explicit, without responsibilities, without constraints.

Why have we been brought up to live for the future when the 'future' is Time that does not belong to us ?

The rationale behind our every action now is the hope for a better future, for something more important in the future. All this, at the expense of what truly matters in the present.

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