Sleep Laughing

My Aunt said I was laughing in my sleep last night.

I don't sleep-talk or sleep-walk but instead sleep-laugh.

Amusing.

Why?

Knowing that death is inevitable, why do we live as if we have eternity on earth?

Thursday Thoughts.

I think my timetable is such that, for 3 days, I'm drained of my brain power, sanity and happiness. Thus, I see Thursdays as the light at the end of the tunnel. I refuse to do anything on this day. I declare it a sacred day; my Me-time.


Satisfied my sushi cravings today. Bitched about life over a bottle of sake with Nat. I ended up finishing the whole bottle since someone had special orange juice with them. I was quite tipsy. It was only the afternoon. Happy Hour has not even started yet. I just died on the bed when I got home but I woke up feeling significantly less moody, and dare I say optimistic?


Things to do:
1. 202: own notes, discussion board postings,decide topic for assignment
2. 205: own notes, stupid Aesop's fable, individual speech research and outline, speech analysis
3. 208: own notes, critique 3 journals
4. 223: own notes
5. GV11: own notes, choose graphic design, analysis, CA1 presentation
6. HH202: readings till Wk 4, summaries, debate materials


GOAL: Finish everything by Thursday Next Week. 28th January. :)


I'm looking forward to next weekend! Flea Market! BBQ with Sushi family!Meet Chloe and see baby Sarah (finally)!


Time to draw up *The Plan*.


First month of the semester always gets me down. But I'll get over it.

Monday is gonna be the death of me.

Now that I know what it's like to have an almost 9am-9pm day, I need to strategize if I am to survive.
Seriously.

208. Ethics. Makes my head spin. Why can't things be simply black and white? But who gets to define what's black or what's white? Standards of definition mushes the two colors together and thus we get the ambivalent gray. No wonder there is still an open philosophical debate about Absolute Truth - a debate I cannot engage in as of the moment.

205. I said I wanted to become the President of the Philippines. The hilarity of it all. How do you appear sincere and convincing when your bladder demands attention?

GV 11. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We create our own meanings, so I guess in that sense we'll never know reality as it is because we look through the lenses of our own interpretations.
We analyzed the poster below in class today. The 'proper interpretation' of it would be:

• Godzilla represents Japan while King Kong, USA

• It signifies peace between the two nations where they look beyond the atrocities of WW2 (Especially the bombing of Hiroshima). So the two characters, hold hands together (cooperation) and walk towards a better future (into the sunrise)

But I saw it all too differently. The fact that they were represented by such characters implied that both countries were monsters (at that time). And instead of the caption PEACE, Ginger and I morbidly thought it better as "Together, we can do more damage" *Check out their calculated grins.*

I'm scared that I'm getting a pseudo-education: a student of breadth with not much depth.
Now that I've acknowledged it, I feel obliged to work on it. This I owe to myself.

Eto Nanaman.

Something does not feel quite right. Now if I can only figure out what it is.

Why can't my thoughts flow like elegant prose instead of the usual erratic, meandering and incoherent pop ups?

What is it with me and my inability to focus? It's frustrating.

Inis na Inis.
Wala namang rason mainis.
Gusto ko lang umiyak.

Thursday is Independence Day

It's Independence Day for me today.
Every Thursday, I'm liberated from the clutches of the Evil Digits. (i.e. Course Codes)
So while they have not come up with sly ways to torture me on this sacred day (read: homework,projects,shit-like-that), I will make use of this time to relax.
Ahh, ever true to my Bum nature. :)

I watched cheerleading competitions yesterday! Hall 7's was pure genius. They deserved to win both Best Mascot and overall winners. The whole 'Circus' concept proved that there are people who dare to be different.

Those insanely skinny (and fearless / or extremely trusting) girls were tossed up high in the air as if they were volleyballs being served. And they still had smiles plastered on their faces. They are nuts, not because they're OK with being thrown up that high, but because they're falling from a great height with no form of harness and just 3 guys waiting to catch them with open arms. Talk about trust. I have no qualms about height but I'd rather trust the bungee jumping rope or that huge safety net thing. Hahaha. Yes, I know, I have sooo much faith in humans. Then again, those guys looked pretty strong and capable, and the girls were all so small next to them, so to the guys it must have been like tossing a huge stuff toy up. They made it look so easy. I think guys in Cheerleaders are the only guys who can convincingly sing to their girlfriends, songs with the line " I'll catch you when you fall".

EILEEN! You looked so different! We almost didn't recognize you! You make a pretty good cheerleader!
GRACE and CANPHYLIA! Good Job. I still think you guys are nuts (insanely brave) to be lifted and stuff. Haha. And you guys looked hot in those uniforms!

Reasons I'll never be a Cheerleader:
1. As I mentioned in the above paragraph, I don't trust to be caught when I fall unless the guy is Superman or Edward Cullen. =)
2. I'm OK with heights and balancing from high grounds. However standing on people's shoulders while they hold on to my ankle is an entirely different story. I'm incomprehensibly ticklish. That's why I don't go for pedicures as well.
3. Those teensy-weensy uniforms will reveal my unglorious fats.
4. It's weird having people look up *there* constantly.
5. Cheering. No. No. No.

I like the whole idea of dancing, formations, and acrobatic stunts though. Must be so cool to be able to do all those somersaults!

Then I went to have supper with Hanisah. The queue at McD was ridiculous at 11+. They've brought back TWISTER FRIES! I'm so happy. I saw 2 girls from S01, and I recognised only one. And to think they've been standing next to me every single morning for 2 years. I felt bad that I couldn't remember them but what the heck. Then we walked back to our halls at 12. I love NTU at night. So peaceful. And that little hill up NIE to Hall 16 smells of flowers at midnight. =) So I strolled back to hall slowly and just enjoyed the quiet time.

OK! I will do all my homework today and tomorrow so that my weekend will be free!
My mom is coming back from Dubai!
OK, I can't stand it. I"M GOING HOME TODAY.
=)=)=)
I already miss my Mom and my Dad. I think my Dad called me this morning. I was half asleep when I picked up. So I'm not sure if that was a dream.

I shall go grab my notes from the different libraries, photocopy stuff, buy books, borrow books and GO BACK HOME!

The Recurrent Rant

How could I have forgotten dreams ?
How could I have been too complacent, too apathetic, too ungrateful, too contented with mediocrity?
What have I been doing with my life?
When did I get caught up in this web of insecurities, doubt, and numbness?
When did I agree to let myself slip into the humdrum of life, to be content with just surviving, to be cautious, to be careful, to be sure, to play safe?
Why did I bury my soul, held back my questions because of fear of judgment, allowed myself to believe that I was less deserving, less competent, less talented than the next person?
In doing so, I have wasted years and years becoming a superficial ignoramus whose thoughts and feelings only orbit around her pathetically small little world.
Because I kept my thoughts to myself because of some irrational feeling (like fear and embarrassment), I slowly lost the ability to express myself confidently and clearly.
Sometimes I feel like everything I am now is a mere facade, a persona I developed out of a sheer need to survive.
It's me but it's not me.
I'm stuck in this little red bubble and I've learned to be content with it.
It's only when I go back to Philippines when I manage to poke this seemingly unburst-able bubble and I realise that there's more.
I can't stand this restlessness.
I need a breather.

First Look at Sem 2

It's already the 7th day of the year 2009. The thoughts, the events and the experiences I've been meaning to blog about have begun accumulating. I finally found the time and the will power to sit down and blog in the hope that it would bring about a catharsis. Maybe by the end of the written diarrhea, I'll be able to focus on more important matters, like my awesome 202 readings. =S

So for this semester, I'll be taking up 23 AU's. It's quite heavy but I like the modules I've chosen (whether I'll do well in it remains to be seen) and I feel relatively confident that I will be able to manage it. After all, I did 21 AU's last semester and I was spending 12 hours a week tutoring. Moreover, I still had a social life (I had numerous guilt inducing slacker moments) and my results were decent enough. One whole semester of figuring out how to work with the system should be enough. I have learned my lesson. Or so I hope.

My modules for this semester include:

COM202 : Information Literacy and Interpretation
COM208: Fundamentals of Research
COM 205: Speech and Argumentation
COM223: Publication Design
GV11: Aesthetic and Creative Use of 2D Media
HS207: Understanding Globalization

GV11 was the first lecture I had on Monday. I think it's going to be fun. At least it'll add some color into my otherwise boring core modules. I joined mainly out of interest. I understand that I may lose out because everyone there seems to be the artsy fartsy kind, but what the hell. I'll survive. The ADM building ROCKS.

COM205 was relatively OK. It was not as scary as I anticipated it to be. I do get extremely nervous when I have to say something in public but at least I don't have fainting spells. To be honest, I did not want to go in front and present but in the end I was like, what the hell, and so presented my group's hastily prepared answers with Liz.

COM202: No matter how important I think this module is, I cannot get myself to like it or much less enjoy it. Sigh. I don't like information overload and this module includes sifting through tons of information and analyzing which ones are reliable. I rely on Wikipedia, thank you very much. Facebook and MSN kept me awake at the expense of my concentration. That's why I was so caught off guard when the professor asked " Where's (insert full name)?" I awkwardly raised my hand. I had no idea what was happening. Just a few seconds ago, I was engrossed in a MSN conversation with my childhood best friend whom I haven't talked to for almost half a year. So thank God he only asked me to read a passage out loud and not answer a question regarding his lecture. Saved.

COM208: Content wise, I have a feeling it will drive me crazy. At least the professor is funny. I refuse to say more in case they really DO track blogs. Hahaha.

EDIT (as of 9/01/09): This modules is painful. As in slowly-choked-to-death kind of painful. Even the book looks so blah I'm starting to believe that it is a Dementor in disguise. I need to learn how to summon my Patronus Charm. It'll probably be a hamster. Or a penguin.

I missed the COM223 lecture. HS207 remains to be seen on Friday.

Continued on 09/01/09

HS207: The lecture was tolerable and pretty interesting. People must think I'm nuts to like topics like Globalization. O well. But I'm severely tempted to drop it. Reasons include:
1. Joyce and Sandra dropped the module so I'll be alone (as in no familiar faces) during lecture - not that I can't get to know other people.
2. It's an hour after 208 lecture. There's no one to loiter around with during this time and all I want to do is go home. The idea of ending Fridays at 10 30 sounds heavenly.
3. It's a challenging module. I might not be able to score well.

I just found out COM 223 is S/U-able. So in case I totally suck at it (relative to other more talented people in the same course-and they mostly are), I'll have my fire escape. Such a sissy. Haha.


My Thursdays are off so if I drop HS207, I'll most probably end up skipping 208. Not good. It's a New Year's Resolution to NOT skip lectures. I'm beginning to find this resolution more difficult to keep than my No. 1: Eat Healthy and Lose Weight. -_-. I is torn. Imagine being able to NOT go to school on Thursday, Friday and the Weekend. I don't need to resort to drugs to get a high. Hahaha.

I feel ambivalent about the new semester. This time, as I told Nat, I want to give it my best shot from the start and not play the whole catching up game. I must let Discipline, and not Desperation control me. It's an arduous task for an undisciplined & disorganized slacker like me, but I'll try. This time, I'm going to trust God more, no matter how difficult it is.

Got them...

My thoughts are all over the place and I need to write them down.
But I have a lecture tomorrow and I need to sleep.
I promised not to skip lectures anymore.

It's only the 2nd lecture and I'm already sorely tempted.
Old habits die hard.

I'll write...later.

The Return to Singa-land

And it's back to reality tomorrow.

I have a long list of things-to-do.
Not once did I spare a thought for school related matters during the whole trip.
2009. New Year.

I'm recycling my New Years Resolutions.
This year, I'm attacking them with vengeance.

Clean Roads, Clean Air, See you tomorrow evening.