On Emotions, Resolutions & The Lingering Homesickness

"Let the good times roll. The Roller Coaster will lift you up 203 feet, drop you down 144 feet and leave your pulse trying to catch up to 67 mph. Simulating a jet fighter's barrel roll, you'll turn 180 degrees, hang 86 feet in the air, take the famous "heartline" twist and dive, and get your negative g's on! Ah, what a rush."

This is the way New York New York Hotel in Las Vegas described its famous roller coaster ride which I braved with my brothers a few years back.

This is exactly how my emotions have been the past two weeks, more specifically, the past few days: the cliched roller coaster ride.

I questioned why I've been harboring negative feelings about everything going on around me when I should be grateful for the opportunities and confidently taking a forward stride to face all these challenges.
But I realized that I've been expecting too much of myself, of others and of my general situation.

This whole transitional phase has left me feeling tense, confused, frustrated and incompetent. But that is because I chose to focus on the negative parts (don't we always). Compound that with the effects of P.M.S and all small things become magnified. Thus, I ended up feeling shittier than usual.

For one,

I need to stop comparing myself to others. It's the major source of frustration.
Reminder to Self: You would not have gotten in if they did not think you were equally capable. It's as simple as that. So experience or no experience, you came here to learn what you've always wanted to learn.

I need to learn discipline. Without it, this whole 4 years will be as messy as the roads of Manila.
Reminder to Self: You've gotten far too comfortable with the nanny system where everything was given to you. Every aspect of your education is now your Responsibility. Grow up.

I need to stop thinking about unnecessary things so much. Too much of it can lead to brain atrophy.
Reminder to Self: Worrying won't get you anywhere. Being a compulsive worrywart is something you have to definitely change. Always look on the bright side of life. *whistles*

I need to stop my emotions and fears from getting the best of me. Stagnation is the only end result.
Reminder to Self: It's OK to feel but don't let those feelings control you. You are more than your feelings. Jump right into the sea of uncertainty. Struggle if you have to. Believe in NIKE's "Just do it".

I need to remember that I have a wonderful family that loves me and great friends around me.
Reminder to Self: They're just a text/call away. Even if some friendships drift away, you yourself know that strong friendships can last longer that you expect it. Have faith in those people and in yourself.

Ok. I should stop this Gollum/Smeagle-like monologue. After feeling rather depressed the past few days and attempting not to show it have been arduous.
The barrage of New Everything makes me miss the Old & Familiar Everything.

Thank God Familiarity is simply a bus & MRT ride away.
=)

Ok. Time to do my Business Law and Econs homework.