I is Sad. I is Happy. I is feeling Everything.

I'm feeling sad, happy, relieved, troubled, hopeful, despondent, stressed and numb all at the same time.
The -Feeling- Right -Now is the epitome of contradiction. I wonder how the neurons/chemicals/receptors in my body are able to multitask to this extent, inducing me to feel a multitude of feelings in a single moment.

Although I have not been following the U.S. Elections closely, I'm super happy Barack Obama won. He is the full realization of the American Dream. To have an African-American as the president of the United States of America just goes to show that a significant number of Americans have matured to be able to see past racial differences, see themselves firstly as Americans, not as White/Black/Hispanic/Asian whatever they may be. I'd be proud to be an American right now, but since I ain't American, for once, after a very long time, I'll say that I am finally proud of America. I'm sincerely praying that they can finally come together, fix their problems so that the rest of the world can also fix their problems. Like they say, "If America sneezes, the world catches a cold." Yes, Bush did leave a huge mess for Obama to clean up, but I'm hopeful, just as America is hopeful.

"Yes, we can."

Now if I can only apply that same ideal/belief to my studies. =)

Yet amidst this, I'm sad and relieved. I'm sad because today was my last tuition lesson with my kids. They're going back to Korea beginning of next year. It was quite sudden actually. I did not see it coming to be perfectly honest because just last week they were asking me if I could continue during the holidays (I thought the mother was crazy and I told her that the kids should have a break free of tuition! )and until next year. I had already planned on quitting by this year actually, I just didn't know how to tell them. So I hesitatingly relented to continue for one or two weeks during the holidays. I thought good bye would come then. But if there's one thing I've noticed in my life, goodbye's and changes always come so abruptly. (The move from Manila to Cebu was sudden. So was the move from Cebu to Penang, and Penang to Singapore, and to enter SFMS, and to go to JJC and even now, to NTU.) So my life was made slightly easier with this sudden turn of events. It's less sad this way. Even if it didn't happen today, the outcome would have been the same anyway.

Shit, I can't believe how attached I've become to the kids and to the family. When the girl hugged me and said "Teacher! I'll miss you!" I nearly cried. But they're really cute. The mother told me to go to their house when I have free time, to eat ramyun and maybe go out to "watch cinema" before they leave. Hahaha. I'll miss that place. I'll really miss those brats! I'll let myself be sad for now.

But I'm also very relieved. I spent about 7 hours tutoring them each week. Add in travelling time, and that's another 4- 5 hours a week. Add in 1 or 2 hours of lesson preparation. I invested 14 hours a week on them. The opportunity cost of that was sacrificing my study time and personal time. So even though the money was good, I decided that I would quit this year so I can concentrate on school next year. I plan to be more involved in school and I want to volunteer! Thank goodness they made it easier for me because I hate initiating the quitting.

Omg. Omg. Omg. You know what this means? Total freedom during the holidays! =) =) =) I'm now extra motivated to study super hard so that I can enjoy the freedom with a clear conscience (after I blog that is).

But I was really sad today, so I decided to blow my whole paycheck for today on retail therapy and bought clothes! Skirt and dresses! Zomg. Inappropriate Timing, I know, but randomness is the spice of life . Haha. And I bought ammunition for my intensive mugging days to ensure I don't starve in my hall. I'm seriously so impulsive! I need to stop being so!

Here's to them.

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

OK. VALERIE. DRAMA OVER. GO STUDY YOUR BUTT OFF NOW.